Latisha loved vacation time with the family. They were camping like they usually did every summer. This destination had become a tradition. The kids expected it and looked forward to the typical things they always did here. They’d purchased their trailer years ago and it had seen some wear. It was still in fantastic shape despite the years under its belt.

As she sat outside on a reclining deck chair, beneath their trailer awning, she watched her three children ride their bikes on the campground road that meandered around the rows of RVs.

Latisha used the term ‘camping’ rather loosely. It was nothing like roughing it. A nice resort is what they looked for and this RV resort was perfect for their criteria in vacation spots. Every site and all the roads were paved. The resort had pools, indoor and outdoor, tennis courts and even a family golf course attached. If that wasn’t enough, it was close enough to the city to provide plenty of entertainment during a downpour.

It was wonderful having all the conveniences of home at her finger tips. Their trailer had a gas stove and oven, a microwave, heat and air-conditioning and comfortable beds or bunks for everyone. They even brought a TV along with plenty of movies for the kids.

Brendan, her husband, had left to pick up a few groceries at the store. The quiet of the morning surrounded her, broken only by the soft music coming from her phone playlist and the voices of her children drifting to her occasionally as they made their tour around the loop they were allowed to navigate.

This was something she’d desperately needed this past year, some peace of mind. It had been a hard year, harder than most.

Her thoughts seemed to twist back to the bad memories easily and she wished she could switch it off, make her mind stop. Church could be so cruel and unforgiving. Those that she’d thought would love her, no matter what, had let her down.

She and Brendan had decided, years ago, that she wouldn’t work. They both wanted as stable an environment as possible for their children so she would retain the title of stay-at-home-mom. As her kids all gradually entered grade school full time and she had more time on her hands, she made the decision to get involved in their church’s ladies ministry. The women of her church held a coffee time/babysitting/ Bible Study session for all those needing a break from parenting. It seemed a perfect match for her. She loved to mentor younger mothers and she also craved some social interaction.

Her mind flitted back to last August when she’d approached the lady in charge of the Mom’s and Tot’s program. Bridget’s initial response was filled with gratitude for another helping hand. In September the program started up again and Latisha’s job was to oversee the snacks, coffee and tea, from organization, who would bring what, to set up and take down. It wasn’t exactly what Latisha had envisioned doing but the previous lady had quit so that was the need and she was available.

Even with the seemingly insignificant roll she played, women would stop and chat at the snack table, share their struggles with her and she’d had many opportunities to give advice to the younger moms, pray with them and see them grow through the year. It had surprised her that she found it so fulfilling.

It had proved to be rewarding in so many ways. Bridget was impressed with Latisha’s organizational skills and her gentle approach with the young moms. The other ladies on the leadership team also really appreciated Latisha’s efforts.

The women in charge met every other Thursday night to discuss the Mom’s and Tot’s program. It was their chance to voice their opinions on what part of the ministry was flourishing and what needed improvement. On those nights, they also planned out the meetings, the content of the Bible Study and voiced their concerns. It also gave them the chance to share their highs and lows in their interactions with the young moms.

It was at one of these leadership meetings that Latisha finally felt comfortable enough to open up and share. She’d revealed about the opportunity to talk to the young mothers that came to her for advice. Many of the young women trusted her and opened up in ways that still surprised her. She’d prayed with many of them and had witnessed many answers to their prayers. Latisha couldn’t quite remember all that she’d shared at that leadership meeting that night but ever since that day she’d felt a difference. From then on Bridget’s attitude turned cold and harsh.

Suddenly Latisha found herself on the outside looking in. A few weeks later she was told, via text, that the next regular Thursday meeting wasn’t taking place. She’d found out later that they had indeed met, only without her. At the Mom’s and Tot’s meetings, the other leadership ladies began to ignore her and gave her the cold shoulder. The young moms still gravitated toward Latisha and she still ministered to them, but knowing she had somehow crossed an invisible line with the leadership really bothered her.

From that week on, the cold shoulder treatment only worsened. Bridget’s disparaging comments started and became more and more frequent, complaints of the dessert table, the coffee not being strong enough, the water for tea not hot enough, the clean up not thorough enough for her liking and the list went on. The other ladies on the team gave her the silent treatment. Latisha was still unsure what happened to turn the leadership team against her.

She’d agonized over the situation long and hard and the only reasonable explanation she ever came up with was jealousy. Bridget was jealous! Latisha shook her head again, like she’d done numerous times since the whole ridiculous situation evolved. What was there to be jealous about anyway? Just because God opened up an opportunity for her to love on other women, to minister to them, was no reason for Bridget to hate her. Bridget had an amazing gift, the talent of taking the Word of God and making it plain to the women. They all loved her natural way on the stage and her love for God’s Word.

Was it so impossible to think that maybe she also had a gift? Her contribution was different but no less or greater than Bridget’s. They were both vital to this ministry. Latisha couldn’t understand why Bridget felt so threatened by her. Instead of including her in this ministry, recognizing that they were both needed here, Bridget had turned the other women against her, gossiped behind her back and created a chasm between them.

Latisha had stuck it out the last few months, till the end of June when the Mom’s and Tot’s program took a break for the summer. Those were some of the hardest months of her life, pretending that everything was okay when rejection came at her from every angle.

After the last meeting, she’d sought Bridget out and talked with her. Latisha let Bridget know that she was handing in her resignation. She wouldn’t be back in the fall. Bridget had turned to her and said, “Finally! I thought you’d never quit. We need servant leaders in this ministry, not those who try to take the spotlight for themselves.”

Latisha had tried to defend herself, saying that her heart was all for serving the moms who came. Bridget had pointed her index finger in her face and said, “From the start, all you ever wanted was to usurp my position, take the glory for yourself! All the ladies of the leadership feel the same.”

She hadn’t said much after that. She’d been crushed by their judgments. All her efforts and sacrifice to serve had been looked at only as a glory grab. She’d considered these women her friends but working with them, side by side, had proved their true character. That she felt so little love from them was devastating. Her heart was still reeling from the abuse. They still attended church but her heart wasn’t in it. It felt so pretentious, like a production that wasn’t based in authenticity. She’d seen their heart motives and it didn’t add up. Their words and actions had left her heart wounded.

Latisha looked up to see her three children pass by on their bikes. They were going too fast but she wasn’t concerned. All three were strong bikers and they loved to race each other. She smiled in spite of the trajectory of her thoughts a moment earlier.

As the children raced on, her thoughts turned back to self-reflection. What had been her motive for joining the ladies group? Was it all about seeking glory for herself? Had that been her hearts intention? She didn’t think so. Did she join so that she could knock Bridget off her high horse? Bridget needed a reality check pretty badly but Latisha didn’t know that when she’d first offered to help out. The question kept coming back. What could she have done differently to have brought about a more favorable outcome? There were no simple answers.

She’d asked God many times but she still didn’t know. As far as Latisha could decipher, she’d served from her heart as if serving her Lord and she’d been rejected for it.

That’s when her eye caught sight of something just above her. She saw a blue butterfly flitter down from the tree to her left. It flapped its wings precariously one way and then the other, until it came to rest on the big toe of her right foot. Holding her breath and sitting as still as possible, she watched it for a while, its wings moving sporadically in graceful movements. The tiny creature, its wings tinged with black, was beautiful and brought a sliver of joy welling up inside of her.

Suddenly the soft song from her phone, sitting on the small table beside her, filled her senses and the words reverberated through her.

“Butterfly girl, don’t you know you’re beautiful by now…..”

The song kept going, the words like ointment on Latisha’s bruised heart. It was one of her favorite songs, produced by Jaylene Johnson. She didn’t notice that she was crying until tears trickled down her cheeks and dripped down onto her top. Wiping the tears away, she knew that God had spoken to her.

As the song ended and it transitioned to the next one on the list, Latisha realized that God had ministered to her through the simple little creature still sitting on her big toe. When God looked at her He saw something of value, something graceful, something that brought Him joy. He could see her heart, even though others refused to look at the real her. He knew her and He accepted her, loved her and saw beauty in her heart. That was enough, at least it should be.